i dont care what shitty fever i'm having now. i dont even bother to take my temperature i'm so sick of doing it. i dont even wanna care what this idiot sickness is going to bring to me any life danger or whatever. i dont even wanna think! i'm just depressed. when i was suppose to be going to the chalet i'm in the cab on my way to the hospital. so ironic. why must life always be so unlucky on me. why must i always experience things that others dont. why must i always take the blame on this suayness that's as irritating as spywares in this laptop. why should i be the one who's missing out on so many things all the time. i hate my life. i hate all that i've gone through. i hate all the pain and unnessary torture that ut forced me to withstand, and still manage to pull thru by bearing it! and i hate it when after this incident, i realize who were my true friends who will be there for me when i'm scared, and who were not even show a least bit of concern or even that phrase that would make ill people feel better. its common sense i dont ask for much just to feel warm in the heart and at least there's somebody out there who cares. so now i know. how fcuked up the world can be and how some ignorant people can be so faked. anyways i dont give a damn to them, if they choose to only think their own ways, and have disbelief in how a sick person is feeling. Fine. i'm just here to vent out my past feelings that has been going on for 7 days. it all lasted for 7days. i'm just so tired. nowhere to go. frequent visits to the clinic laboratory for 3 bloodtests constantly, i'm out of blood and out of energy. i'm restless to think on how much i've left out myself on and just how much it takes for a person to say "get well soon".

Nonetheless, i still feel thankful for those people around me who still cares, and sorry to get them worried as i fell into this pitfall of sickness, first malignant fever, and after that so many things that happened one by one. i just want to let you know that i never wanted these things to happen. it was out of my control, and the least bit you can do is just wait for me to recover. there's no need to point fingers or put the blame on the person who is totally unwell already and make matter worst. please pray for me sincerely and save those harsh words. i'll be fine i'm sure. i'll stand up for people to see i'll be fine one day, soon.